Cured

February 26, 2007 at 4:00 pm (Day to Day)

Message in a Bottle

Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh

I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah

A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life but
Love can break your heart
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah

Walked out this morning, don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah

Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S…

I’m cured of loneliness, girlfriend, for the time being. I have learned to control my crushes. There is a girl or two that would be very easy to like, but it’s just not important to me right now. I made a list of goals/changes I want to accomplish before allowing myself those feelings again. I don’t even actively flirt other than being myself (which can be seen a flirtatious at times).

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Many seconds to breathe

February 24, 2007 at 1:47 pm (Day to Day)

Yesterday was long, starting at 6:45 and ending about eighteen hours later at 2:45. Some highlights:

I am not going to have to drop biology; in fact, the class has been going very well so far, and it might be my favorite class. I like some hard sciences, but I have never been able to understand them as well as those who have a natural affinity towards them. I made a deal with a guy in class: he helps me in biology; I help him in modern western civ. Good tradeoff so far. Labs aren’t nearly as exciting as the lecture, but I have only skipped out on one lab so far. Labs were my biggest worry.

I got off work around eleven last night and started a seven mile jog. It was absolutely perfect outside. All of yesterday was perfect Rob weather. About five minutes in, it started sprinkling, cooling me off from the humid air. It was off and on the entire run. Without realizing, I have an unofficial playlist when I run this route, always starting with Beautiful Day, sometimes the Quincey n Sonan mix if I want to get extra pumped, and ending with 40, with a slew of songs in the between. There are certain songs that have to be played at certain times of my run, evoked usually by scenery that reminds me of that song. There was a shindig last night that I stopped by for a bit before ending my run. The host of the party was incredibly polite, offering to drive me home. There were only a few people I knew, but it was a good time, albeit a short one. Running is still going well, and I even found a running partner who is training for the half marathon in OKC. We don’t run the same distance; she usually meets me a couple of miles into my run, though she did run twelve miles with me on Sunday. She is a very good endurance runner and is expecting to run a seven fifteen pace when she does her half marathon, about 1h:35m, very impressive and much faster than anything I could do right now. Running with her is beneficial because she sets a faster pace than I’m used to, making the run much more intense and helping me with my own time.

Tyler lent me a copy of Slaughter House Five on Monday. The week has been so busy that I haven’t been able to even start on it. This is the weekend for it. Tyler speaks very highly of Kurt Vonnegut, giving me high expectations for the book.

I will be in OKC tonight and will stay the night. It’s going to be a fairly busy night.

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A second to breathe

February 23, 2007 at 1:19 pm (Uncategorized)

Things are so good right now. Life isn’t perfect, but the rhythm of life has my feet dancing to a groove that goes uhn tiss uhn tiss. My body is tired most of the time, getting roughly five to six hours of sleep at night, but it is adjusting accordingly.

My social life is pretty bare at the moment as I am not really connected to a single friend group. There are a lot of friends that see me on a regular basis but mostly the situations are one-on-one activities. This has advantages and disadvantages. There is a lack of group dynamics, something greatly missed, but it allows me to go really in-depth with a few of these people. Well, this would be the case except I haven’t been making time for friends as much as I would like. There is poker with my chums, which is the best group situation I’ve been in for a while.

Despite some popular belief I am not dating a high school girl. Some know the oh-so-funny incident, but I put a quick stop to what could have been. The high school thing was very bothersome since most would agree that the maturity gap between the beginning and end of freshman year in college is substantial.

Drunkenness is no longer something that is fun for me to witness, especially when it involves people I know.

There is no girl hunting on my part for the moment. Even though the last few times I have been the hunted, not the hunter, I am going to make it very clear within the first few moments of meeting a new girl that singleness is being good to me for the time being. After my marathon I will be a little more aware and receptive of girls, but even then I will probably be pretty passive for a while. Compromising in qualities in a significant other is necessary (from personal experience is others’ experiences). I have thought about this off and on the past few days: I think I’m shallow in regards to relationships but not willingly. I want a serious relationship that will stick but have become downtrodden that it won’t happen that I have become shallow in order to deal with it. A shallow heart is not rewarded with loneliness…or companionship. I am on the last leg of my shallow stage since the newness wore off almost immediately after it was realized. To clarify, I do not think shallowly about woman.

The count for my sociology experiment (out of 25) is 19 male, 1 female, 76% and 4% respectively. More results after this weekend.

Work is fantastic. There is very little downtime, a huge benefit if you want the time to go by fairly quickly. Joe, the big cheese, said I lasted a lot longer than he thought. It was a compliment and insult in the same breath. I’m in it for the long haul. Despite long hours of standing up, it’s a great job.

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Running what-nots

February 18, 2007 at 7:23 pm (Day to Day)

I got to run twelve miles earlier today. Instead of running the same loop over and over again, I made my way to Broadway and went towards Byng, only to turn around again. I stopped at Sooner Stop on my run back (right at mile 8) for some Gatorade. This was the perfect day for a long run. The light breeze was very welcomed and accommodated the sixty degree weather nicely. A few acquaintances drove by, some of whom honked, waved or yelled in support. A changed my form to compensate for my tender shin, running heel to toe instead on my toes. I feel sloppy running like that, but my shin gave me no problems. My knee on the other hand gave me fits the entire time. I ran on grass when it was available, helping ease the soreness. It was by no means unbearable and was simply a nuisance, effected by running a long distance. I completed the twelve miles in about an hour and forty minute, much faster than I anticipated and on par with my 3:30 marathon goal.

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Night

February 18, 2007 at 4:03 am (Day to Day)

After a couple of hours at the donut shop, I finished Night by Elie Wiesel. The book is his autobiographical teenage account of the time spent from his days as a student of academia and Kabala in his Hungarian town to the Auschwitz-Birkenau and Buchenwald concentration camps. It was read on the recommendation of Tyler and is probably the coldest book to pass under my eyes. This paragraph bitterly sums up the theme of hopelessness in the book:

Never shall I forget that night, the first night in camp, which has turned my life into one long night, seven times cursed and seven times sealed.
Never shall I forget that smoke.
Never shall I forget the little faces of the children, whose bodies I saw turned into wreaths of smoke beneath a silent blue sky.
Never shall I forget those flames which consumed my faith forever.
Never shall I forget that nocturnal silence which deprived me, for all eternity, of the desire to live.
Never shall I forget those moments which murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to dust.
Never shall I forget these things, even if I am condemned to live as long as God Himself. Never.

The author saw countless people die in the most horrific ways; piles of babies tossed from the back of trucks, as if nothing more than unwanted cargo, into the crematoriums, children used as machine gun practice:

“Without passion or haste, they shot their prisoners, who were forced to approach the trench one by one and offer their necks. Infants were tossed into the air and used as targets for the machine guns.”

It is hard for me to imagine and comprehend that humanity is able commit such acts, so apathetically and with no more passion than if they were to take out the garbage or do their taxes. How is it possible for such people to lack the most basic concept of the human soul, a dichotomy from the body? They did not view as individuals with souls, only as chattel with tantamount purpose, even to their inconsequential deaths. Their life at the death camp was no more than an in-between, limbo existence until physical death finally consumed their emotional and spiritual death.

It’s funny to note that the tears didn’t come at the macabre passages of hopelessness and death—I was already desensitized by page ten—they came at those few passages of sincere and cherished acts of human kindness, even in the midst of the many contrary passages such as:

“Listen to me, kid. Don’t forget that you are in a concentration camp. In this place, it is every man for himself, and you cannot think of others. Not even your father. In this place, there is no such thing as father, brother, friend. Each of us lives and dies alone. Let me give you good advice: stop giving your ration of bread and soup to your old father. You cannot help him anymore. And you are hurting yourself. In fact, you should be getting his rations…”

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Runnings back

February 17, 2007 at 2:16 pm (Day to Day)

My six day running fast has been lifted. My shin and ankle feel better, but I’ll have a better idea where I stand after a seven mile jog. I am still without a pair of $90 cross country shoes and am making a plea to the running gods to have mercy on my body. I’m not sacrificing any more goats, though.

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Pro Life?

February 16, 2007 at 4:14 pm (Day to Day)

When most people describe themselves as being pro-life, there are usually two exceptions: rape and incest. I am not a woman and therefore cannot have an abortion. I am unable to imagine the emotion and pain involved in such a tough situation, but this is written based on principle and standards, not emotion, following peoples’ rhetoric to their conclusions. Abortion in the case of incest and rape has always been something unconditionally accepted. On the surface they seem to make perfect sense; that is, until I tried to understand the reasoning behind it. I heard a statistic on the news the other day that about 60% of pro-lifers believes abortion is an abomination in all cases save for rape and incest.

Why do pro-lifers relax their view of life when it comes to rape? I just questioned this earlier today after reading an article by a woman who is pro-life. She, like most pro-life folks, believes that abortion is perfectly acceptable in the situation of rape. It is not a woman’s (woman=female capable of reproducing) fault she was raped; pregnancy was not something she had any decision in. She would have rather not been raped, not gotten pregnant, and not be obligated to give birth. It isn’t fair! This makes me believe that people are opposed to abortion, not because of any sympathy toward the life of a fetus and potential person, but because they would want people to take responsibility for their actions. It is not a matter of responsibility when somebody is the victim of rape; it is a cruel and life-changing event to experience. Because the woman is innocent of promiscuity and lechery, she does not have to stand trial before the court of her peers and plead guilty to bad choices. People are sympathetic towards this woman for wanting to have an abortion. This thought leads me to believe that people are simply vindictive towards the accused-irresponsible and use pro-life as smoke and mirrors. It isn’t about the unborn heart beating within the mother’s womb. How many of us have heard or used something along the lines of “if you make the decision to get in bed, you should make the decision to take responsibility of the consequences…”? That does not sound pro-life to me, only pro-responsibility. There isn’t an emphasis on the child but on the poor choices which resulted in the unwanted pregnancy. That’s a great political agenda and all, but let’s call it what it is, pro-responsibility. Basically, a woman can have an abortion if she is not responsible for the pregnancy. I guess rape and Immaculate Conception are the only two scenarios that come to mind.

Abortion is such a touchy subject. It’s easy for me to say I am pro-life but again, I am not a woman and don’t understand everything involved. Rationally, the above paragraph makes sense, but there are so many emotions involved with rape that making sense isn’t at the top of the list of priorities. I also have something to say on the pro-life view of incest. Perhaps that’ll be posted later.

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The Donut Mines

February 15, 2007 at 12:11 am (Day to Day)

Getting up for school tomorrow morning is going to be hellish. I had to work ten hours two days straight, getting up at 6:00 A.M., going to the store, working until class started, getting out of class at noon and one, and working from four until the donuts are finished. Hannah, I finally know how you felt at eleven o’clock at night and why you weren’t a buddle of energy. Tomorrow will be slightly easier since I don’t have to work in the morning. Happy feets!

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The Best Valentines Gift Ever!

February 13, 2007 at 4:04 pm (Day to Day)

Raise your hand if you have a bobble head heart with eyes, ears, a nose, and a mouth! *raises hand* Unfortunately my dinky camera phone is unable to capture it in all of its grandeur and majesty but still, be amazed!

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Thank you, Tara!

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Uhn tiss

February 12, 2007 at 1:28 am (Day to Day)

w00t, Tuesday begins the fun fun world of actually working with customers. From 7:15-9:15 A.M. you can see Rob “And His Doughnut” Inman in the drive-thru at the Arlington store. Everybody’s attendance is required to remain my friend. Oh yeah, I don’t know if tips are accepted, but bring those too…big ones, bigger-than-my-fist big. That doesn’t make sense, but be sure to bring cents. So anyways, working at the donut shop is still fantastic fun.

Running is going on hiatus until Saturday. This last week has been rough on my right knee, shins, and ankle. What was supposed to be a twelve mile run today, turned into two miles of grueling agony. “Manning” through it at the risk of long term damage is not smart. There are a couple of things that could help me out, grass and shoes. Running on grass is much easier on the knees; unfortunately, my current trail has very little grass to run on. Jacob might be able to help out with this since he is in cross country and tends to know grassy knolls. A pair of $90 shoes would also help. That’s a lot of money for shoes, but it’s wiser than spending the later years of my life in pain, possibly requiring surgeries on my knees. The pain in my shins is possibly shin splints, but I don’t definitely know. The pain is at the bottom of my shins and more towards the side of my leg. Hopefully a week off will help me out.

Sometime next weekend I’m going to Tulsa with a couple of friends. Our intentions are sociology-related with a side of fun.

Life group was really good tonight. The people who are attending are absolutely great. Here are some personal admissions that came as a result of tonight: I sometimes have a hard time leaning on others. There is a reason my cell phone is a foot within my ear and audible at night. If somebody for any reason needs to call me in the middle of night, I want to be sure to answer it. I am reluctant to do the same, however. There have always been friends at certain points in my life that were easily accessible (Jamie D., Mike, Tyler, Scott, Aaron, Lauren, Pip, Beach, Tiffany and Stephanie) that were kind enough to hear my rants, but there has always been a feeling of being ashamedness at having even the shortest conversations when something was wrong. My senior year in high school I called Jamie in the middle of the night immediately after Mike passed (three years exactly today) but that was it. Is it a pride issue? Maybe, or maybe it’s just a guy issue. Problems are still one thing I still keep relatively to myself.

Not everybody likes to argue for the sake of fun and argument. What I thought was just banter turned into a chewing off of my face earlier today. Bad call, Old Sport! Speaking of Old Sport, a lot of my friends have decided to read The Great Gatsby. At least four friends are reading it or have just finished it. I’ve been hanging out with the likes of Tyler, Aaron Sumpter, Zane, and Sam, with Jeff on the side. We’ve just been playing poker and hanging out a lot here lately. I officially suck at poker these days, but the $5 lost is much more fun than using it to watch the average movie.

In about a month Stephanie and I are going to Colorado Springs. There is officially room for two other people. You have to meet our requirements for cool though. Keep in mind, they are very staunch and only the elite will be accepted into our Magical Car of Cool.

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