Psychopaths, sex, and alphabet soup

November 16, 2006 at 10:41 pm (Day to Day)

I am ten kinds of sick today. I think I have a cold accompanied by a fever, and it’s going to take a lot more than some dinky cowbell to relieve it. Cowbell of the Nyquil variety seemed to help quite a bit, or at least make me sleep for hours at a time. I missed all of Thursday in exchange for sleep and soup.

I went to Norman yesterday. Among other things, I saw Tony at Barnes & Nobles and caught up on things. I bought two books from Borders, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs and Without a Conscience. The former is just a compendium of humourous observations that do not tire. The latter was bought for Sarah, who fancies learning about personality disorders. It is about psycho/sociopathy. I went to Charleston’s before leaving town to have a baked chicken that was not up to snuff. The garlic mashed potatoes and baked beans were excellent, but the chicken was not seasoned as described on the menu. I dissented from my usual meal of chicken tenders. I brought my Sex, Drugs, etc. book and the hostess automatically assumed I was a sociology major. Weird, but she was correct. We struck a five minute conversation about the uses of a stand-alone sociology degree. We both had the same experience: it’s a good launch for graduate school and a fun science but that is all. I read three chapters while eating my meal, drinking my coffee, and finishing with a delicious apple cobbler.

Speaking of books, I bought and read Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness on Monday. I knocked that book out quick. I went to Hastings and embarrassingly asked the older, gay, book snob in the back for help. The conversation went something like this (literally):

Me: Excuse me, I am looking for a literary masterpiece but am unfamiliar with the title, only the author.

Old Gay Snob: *suspiciously* What’s the name?
Me: I believe his name is Maddox, just Maddox. It’s his nom de plume.
*Old gay snob ticks away at his computer, looks at me over the top of his glasses frame, no doubt checking me out.*
OGS: *sarcastically* Is it The Alphabet of Manliness?
(I knew the name the entire time but was embarrassed simply waltz up and ask for it. I had to over compensate for the fact that it is about as much of a literary masterpiece as Jane Austin…or Johnny Cash is to music.)
Me: Yes, that’s probably it.

He just pointed me to its general direction and told me that they weren’t really organized so I’d just have to poke around until I found it. I got lucky and happened to spot its testosterone-producing cover of the archetype of manliness wailing away at a guerilla. I picked it up but my embarrassment wasn’t over. There was still the cashier to deal with. I slightly knew her and was ashamed to check out. I thought about buying a lot of candy or maybe a movie. Since I am not ashamed of buying books relating to sexuality, I did just that. I could defend a book on the gender-differing characteristics regarding human sexuality, but there was no defending The Alphabet of Manliness. Still, I prefaced my purchase to the cashier by telling her, “listen, have you ever wanted a book but was too ashamed to check out?” With zero empathy in her voice, “No.” I slapped the book down, paid the money, and went on my way, sending mind terrorists her way from my brain. I read the book in less than a day and let Tyler borrow it. There were absolutely hilarious parts that had me laughing for pages.

I broke down and bought a 4G IPod Nano and an ITunes gift certificate. I downloaded the Jack Johnson Curious George soundtrack and Sufjan Stevens’ Illinois album. Both are excellent. I think I’ll end up with their entire discographies before too long.

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