Time for change

September 10, 2006 at 3:03 pm (Day to Day)

Despite a rather snazzy and intimidating quote by a person I admire and respect, people change; I change, my friends change, and the people I hardly know change. Change always seems so gradual and grueling that the people that interact with us the most are the ones who realize it the least. These changes are always so subtle that they seem insignificant and unreal until one day we get a burden of nostalgia and in a single mind-numbing thought of epiphany,  consciously conclude I/they have changed. It has taken the repeat of circumstances and situations to completely understand the full effect of the time that has transpired, but the result is still that of change. I am talking circumstances all across the board, not in just a certain area. It’s also fun to notice the change in others.

You have to get through the sad to get to the happy. Unfortunately, people seem to get so bogged down and entrenched in the sad, that the happy is nothing more than a thought for the idealistic and “unreal” thinkers. Happiness and sadness can be simple or complex. Right now, my simple happiness follows a long stretch of on-again-off-again complex sadness. We allow ourselves to get into the complacency of routine that emotions, either positive or negative, are almost tiresome to produce. In February I made a resolution to myself: to maintain joy above happiness. Throughout the months, the fact that I have done a sufficient job of that has allowed my joy to be accompanied by genuine happiness. It isn’t something that happened on its own, but was something that was fought very hard for.

People think they know. They have no idea, and this isn’t by mistake but by an active decision to maintain my emotional anonymity to most. I hope it isn’t assumed that I am just under the influence of the endorphins in my brain that make me go “whoopee!” I believe they call this infatuation. It would be nothing but a poor conjecture to believe this as the source for my happy. I have always declared, throughout the months, and to a handful of people, that my biggest regret, that which depressed me the most into a downtrodden state of sad, was the loss of one of the best friends I have ever had. Now I have that back. It has come at the expense of me going before the “panel” of my peers, either directly or through word-of-mouth, and being unfairly scrutinized, but I won’t be so flippant to give it up. At this point I am so tired of trying to impress others with what Paul Laurence Dunbar described as The Mask, that I have basically quit. And these are people I indeed care about, but people who no longer influence me or my decisions, people who have preconceived ideas that cannot be changed. I guess one of the biggest blessings and biggest curses for me is that I arrived at ECU one year too late. I would much rather be blessed than cursed so that is what I am going to focus on.

The Scarlet Letter was published in 1850 by Nathaniel Hawthorne to describe the hypocrisy of Puritan society two centuries prior. It’s interesting that the same problems that polluted the so-called religious society of the 17th century are problems that we are still so reluctant to give it up in exchange for the fragrance of forgiveness and compassion. The only thing that will stick out in the minds of the many is a large, symbolic scarlet “A”. Why is it easier to assume the worse in people; that they are coercive and paramount to a puppeteer instead of compassionate and warm? People are blinded by perspective, and perspective is determined by so many unfair, outside factors that it is so hard to change the minds of the blinded individuals. That isn’t my job, however, so I refuse to lose sleep over it.  For the record, I absolutely hate The Scarlet Letter and still curse my junior English teacher for forcing us to read that literary piece of garbage.

Sometime soon, the simplicity and innocence of the circumstances will probably change. This blog could easily be thrown back in my face, attached to the brick of words, “See, you were wrong!” No, I am not, and it will hardly change anything. In fact, if I genuinely cared about what people thought regarding this situation, it will allow for a pleasant opportunity to actually prove those nay-sayers wrong.

Here’s probably the weirdest quote I have been living my life by for some time, “things will simple when you simple.”

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1 Comment

  1. scott said,

    I do admit freely that at times, on occassion, sometimes, people do appear to change.

    It’s kinda like we seem to have free will, but we really don’t.

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