How does Meredith Grey not have an STD?

September 29, 2006 at 10:42 am (Day to Day)

If I was to do American colonial history, I would make it much more interesting than what the Spanish, French, and English did. Instead of the French fur trade, I would make it the French Für trade; you know, that water filtering system? The Algonquians didn’t really have bad drinking water, but it would still be nice to get a bucket of snooty water from the well. Evian river water, perhaps. The French had a clever way of trading with the Native Americans: they would first get them good and liquored up and then trade  more alcohol for furs. I would trade them more alcohol for their souls. There’s nothing like a good Huron soul to take back to Europe and put on your shelf and show off to the neighbors. Ol’ Pierre would get upset that Francoise had a pet Indian soul. You know, in a season two episode of Grey’s Anatomy, a follower of an East Asian religions refused to have surgery because she believed one of her souls was missing. She had a shaman (not sheman) come in and find it for her. She got it back, had the surgery, and went on her way. How convenient would it be to have an extra soul in case yours went missing?  Actually, the Courier Du Bois weren’t too bad to the Indians; they would intermarry and value their wives far more than European culture.

This is what I am learning in American colonial history. I enjoy the professor’s lecturing style and passion, but I just cannot get into the subject matter. I don’t moan and complain, though, about going to class. Some of the books we’re reading are pretty fascinating, but American history is barely more exciting than New Zealand history.

Ever since school started, people have told me that I either look good or look a little underweight. On paper, my weight is fine, but I think I am going to try and gain five or ten pounds, preferably in muscle. This means going on a healthy weight gain diet. Donuts don’t cut it. Depending on my dedication (which isn’t great I admit) I might be able to pull it off ten pounds in a month. It’ll probably be somewhere like seven or eight pounds of muscle and a couple pounds of fat. It’s almost unavoidable to gain some fat. I’m not really too worried about my eating habits/looks at the moment; I’m content, but I hate being the person who has people looking over his shoulder when he eats, and especially when he doesn’t. I blame it on the skinny super models that set this really high standard for young, impressionable twenty year old men like me. It’s just too much!

Class is going great. It was last semester that I realized that my goal of class is no longer to get an A or a B; I actually want to learn something. I am a good test taker, but I felt like I cheated myself in couple of classes last year by just concerning myself with the grade and not the knowledge obtained. So I’m reading my books, going to my classes, and taking in depth notes. I think I’m going to be all right this semester.

Grey’s Anatomy is a guilty pleasure of mine. I love it and hate it at the same time. I think Meredith Grey needs to buck up and gain twenty pounds. The only time she is ever happy is whenever her love life is going her way. Last night she gets the option of choosing between two guys and instead of making a decision, she exploits the situation by making the joust for her love. She complains and whines and instead of making things simple, she just opens herself up to more “heartbreak” and more drama. We all have problems. Her friend’s fiance died, and instead of really comforting her, she goes and has sex with Sheperd, the other guy, and probaby Ronald McDonald. I think she’s self destructive and looks like she’s seventy five year olds. And why would either of them want her? She is more downtrodden and emo than a middleclass white kid who has everything he could ever need. I totally just blogged about a television show.

This weekend is going to be wonderful and consist of my butt on a couch.

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Tomorrow is always a better day

September 25, 2006 at 9:33 pm (Day to Day)

There are appropriate times to stop and feel sorry for yourself. This is not one of those times. I don’t need sympathy right now; that’s the last thing I need. Who feels sorry for the murderer or the adulterer? I would just like to confess my sins and move on. If I have time tonight, I will explain later in detail. Not that much detail.

Lenten Psalm (Psalm 51)

1Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

 3For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

 13Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

 18Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

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Time for change

September 10, 2006 at 3:03 pm (Day to Day)

Despite a rather snazzy and intimidating quote by a person I admire and respect, people change; I change, my friends change, and the people I hardly know change. Change always seems so gradual and grueling that the people that interact with us the most are the ones who realize it the least. These changes are always so subtle that they seem insignificant and unreal until one day we get a burden of nostalgia and in a single mind-numbing thought of epiphany,  consciously conclude I/they have changed. It has taken the repeat of circumstances and situations to completely understand the full effect of the time that has transpired, but the result is still that of change. I am talking circumstances all across the board, not in just a certain area. It’s also fun to notice the change in others.

You have to get through the sad to get to the happy. Unfortunately, people seem to get so bogged down and entrenched in the sad, that the happy is nothing more than a thought for the idealistic and “unreal” thinkers. Happiness and sadness can be simple or complex. Right now, my simple happiness follows a long stretch of on-again-off-again complex sadness. We allow ourselves to get into the complacency of routine that emotions, either positive or negative, are almost tiresome to produce. In February I made a resolution to myself: to maintain joy above happiness. Throughout the months, the fact that I have done a sufficient job of that has allowed my joy to be accompanied by genuine happiness. It isn’t something that happened on its own, but was something that was fought very hard for.

People think they know. They have no idea, and this isn’t by mistake but by an active decision to maintain my emotional anonymity to most. I hope it isn’t assumed that I am just under the influence of the endorphins in my brain that make me go “whoopee!” I believe they call this infatuation. It would be nothing but a poor conjecture to believe this as the source for my happy. I have always declared, throughout the months, and to a handful of people, that my biggest regret, that which depressed me the most into a downtrodden state of sad, was the loss of one of the best friends I have ever had. Now I have that back. It has come at the expense of me going before the “panel” of my peers, either directly or through word-of-mouth, and being unfairly scrutinized, but I won’t be so flippant to give it up. At this point I am so tired of trying to impress others with what Paul Laurence Dunbar described as The Mask, that I have basically quit. And these are people I indeed care about, but people who no longer influence me or my decisions, people who have preconceived ideas that cannot be changed. I guess one of the biggest blessings and biggest curses for me is that I arrived at ECU one year too late. I would much rather be blessed than cursed so that is what I am going to focus on.

The Scarlet Letter was published in 1850 by Nathaniel Hawthorne to describe the hypocrisy of Puritan society two centuries prior. It’s interesting that the same problems that polluted the so-called religious society of the 17th century are problems that we are still so reluctant to give it up in exchange for the fragrance of forgiveness and compassion. The only thing that will stick out in the minds of the many is a large, symbolic scarlet “A”. Why is it easier to assume the worse in people; that they are coercive and paramount to a puppeteer instead of compassionate and warm? People are blinded by perspective, and perspective is determined by so many unfair, outside factors that it is so hard to change the minds of the blinded individuals. That isn’t my job, however, so I refuse to lose sleep over it.  For the record, I absolutely hate The Scarlet Letter and still curse my junior English teacher for forcing us to read that literary piece of garbage.

Sometime soon, the simplicity and innocence of the circumstances will probably change. This blog could easily be thrown back in my face, attached to the brick of words, “See, you were wrong!” No, I am not, and it will hardly change anything. In fact, if I genuinely cared about what people thought regarding this situation, it will allow for a pleasant opportunity to actually prove those nay-sayers wrong.

Here’s probably the weirdest quote I have been living my life by for some time, “things will simple when you simple.”

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