Proper sidewalk etiquette

August 16, 2006 at 3:30 pm (Day to Day)

All ECU veterans are well aware that the sidewalks of campus are mean and unforgiving. All it could take is one gesture or look that’s interpreted as hostile and you could end up sidewalk fodder for the custodian to clean up. That is why it is necessary to have an official document explaining proper sidewalk etiquette to all new students. We want to ensure safety as you walk from building to building. Keep these rules in mind as you walk past people on the busy sidewalks.

Stare past/around/at feet: I do not know you, and do not want to appear creepy. Alternate: I know you, but you have hurt my feelings in the past. Alternate: I know you, but we’ve done something that would make us feel awkward (e.g. make out). Alternate: I know you too vaguely to make eye contact.

Eye contact: I recognize you.

Upward jerk of chin: I took a class with you, or have met you once in some other capacity, but that’s as far as our connection goes.

Downward nod of the head: We are on speaking terms, but I don’t have time to stop and speak with you right now.

One wave of hand, waist level: Same as downward nod. Alternate: Same as double wave of hand, chest level on a busy day.

Double wave of hand, chest level: You’re a friend of a friend who I enjoy hanging out with in a group of friends.

More than two waves, chest level: Notice me! I know you well or I at least want to know you well. Alternate: I’m socially retarded.

Verbal exchange, short: I feel the need to be polite with you. No need to offend you by ignoring. Alternate: We’ve met in the last couple of days, but during that time we’ve hung out for at least a moderate length of time. Alternate: We’re in a class together, and I’m making small talk as we walk to different classes. Alternate: We’re in a class together, and I’m making small talk as we walk to different classes; I would like to ask you on a date but don’t know you well enough yet to do so. Alternate: We’re in a class together, and I’m making small talk as we walk to different classes; I think that I’d like to be your friend.

Verbal exchange, long: You are my friend. Alternate: You’ve pissed me off. Alternate: We’re reconciling. Alternate: We’re in a class group together, and we need to coordinate something.

Hug: meaningless; ambiguous; females use it in any and all contexts.

Kiss, short: We’re dating or will soon be. Alternate: We’re close friends with a lot of history behind us.

Kiss, long (with or without tongue): We’re dating or will soon be. Alternate: We’re close friends with a lot of history behind us. A lot. Alternate: We’re more or less acting out our immature fantasy of what college should be, full of meaningless making out.

Standing side by side, holding hands, on a grassy area, under the shade of the trees, surrounded by smiling friends: I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

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5 Comments

  1. scott said,

    obviously you weren’t here the year we had mock weddings on campus or you would have including them in your list

  2. Rob said,

    Mock weddings—I think I remember hearing something about that. Wasn’t it put on by the GSA?

    Had I included it, what do you think it should have said?

  3. scott said,

    standing side by side, holding hands, on a grassy area, under the shade of the trees, surrounded by smiling friends: I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

  4. Rob said,

    You’re such a romantic, Scott.

    This should be hung up at the UCM…

  5. Tiff said,

    Rob–that is hilarious!!!

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